Does Success = Joy Or Pain?

Does success equal joy or pain for you?  What???  Why would success ever equal pain?  There are many ways that negativity can actually be mistakenly linked to something that you would expect to be great.

Let’s discuss just one way that success could be mistakenly linked to pain.

What did your earliest memories teach you about success? Don’t be so quick to answer this question.  Think about it and read on.  What did you learn about success?

Let me tell you a story that might explain this idea in a better way.

When I have looked at my childhood pictures, there is a big difference between my before starting school and after starting school pictures.  Before starting school pictures show me being an easy, fun, playful, and confident little girl.  After starting school, my pictures reflect a more tentative, and less confident girl.  Though I was able to keep a part of my playful side, my ease and confidence was not as strong.  A part of it, in fact, was gone.

So what happened to change me back then?  A first grade, angry nun–that’s what.  What does that have to do with success?  Hang with me in this article and I hope you will have a better understanding.

I didn’t know it then, but I know it now.  That “teacher” changed me and my confidence.

I wasn’t stupid or lazy and I did want to learn.  I loved when my Mom would read to me.  She had such beautiful inflections in her voice and I still remember loving that time with her.  I had happy and pleasurable energy linked to reading.  I LOVED it actually and it’s still among my fondest memories with Mom.

Then came the “dangerous” nun who would hit me with a ruler if I didn’t read correctly.  BINGO!  That’s when things changed my spirit.  Hitting my little five year old hand with a ruler taught me that to be safe, I’d better not screw up!  Instead of feeling safe with my “teachers” from that point on, my subconscious got locked into a pattern of I’d better do it right or else!  I needed to MAKE SURE that the danger and terror wouldn’t EVER reoccur.  “Success” got linked to pain and fear–so did learning.  People don’t think to use the term success when talking about children or childhood episodes.  Yet, getting good grades is a childhood “success” marker, right?  That’s one way that early success beliefs can start to form.

Stuck patterns don’t usually begin in later years.  They often times begin in the earliest childhood years before the age of seven.  Can you see how my earliest experiences created a link between success and trauma?  Success in first grade meant reading aloud in a way that pleased the teacher…or else!

It is hard to learn when you are scared and when everything inside just wants to run away or hide.  I was never ever hit at home so that first experience with the “nun” was a shocking experience for me.  She was someone I was supposed to trust but couldn’t.  What confusion!

I was so frightened.  I didn’t share my thoughts or readily raise my hand because I might be wrong.  I might get punished.  Let’s also not forget that this was in a Catholic school and God was feared back then.  If I made a mistake it might land me in purgatory or worse…HELL!  It wasn’t until years later when I realized that I was “programmed” to believe that it wasn’t safe to ask for help.  I had to do “it” right, and I was also on my own to figure all of that out!  Yikes!  That’s a heavy success lesson for a child!

Learning was now fearful, I was petrified of making any mistake, and I’d lost my confidence and joy for reading.  It only takes one time to shock for a little child and anchor unwanted lessons that stick from that point on both subconsciously and energetically.

Are you understanding how unwanted and detrimental patterns develop?  I developed a subconscious and energetic belief that said, I am not sure who I can trust so watch your back!

There are many side effects that can develop from similar incidences which can form negative links to success.

• It doesn’t feel safe to ask for help.
• You spend more time being hypervigilant with worry vs enjoying and feeling confident.
• Your feelings don’t get validated and you can’t speak up for what you need.
• You spend time isolated vs. connecting with those who might hurt you.
• You might develop undesireable habits (or addictions) to repress anxious feelings.
• You try to figure out things by yourself because it feels safer.
• ACHIEVING SUCCESS CAN BECOME linked with PAIN!

I had a lot of undoing to do!  The good news is that if I “learned it” I could unlearn it.  But how…

Enter Tapping (a.k.a. EFT).  I do an expanded, version of EFT because it feels right to me that way and I get great results.

Tapping clears generational modeling, painful events & emotions but it also clears patterns that develop–like the above story.  One or all of these combos can block you and/or create havoc in your life and you may not even know which one(s) are in your way.

That’s why people can’t always clear their own issues.  Tapping is easy to learn mechanically, but getting to the underlying story takes skill.  Do you need help or are you willing to keep hitting the walls that keep you feeling stuck?

The choice is yours!  Here’s to your True Authentic Power!