Overcome Replays of Relationship Pain

Do you often feel relationship pain, fear, disappointment and sadness?   When growing up, were you disappointed in how those around you treated you?  Did they pay attention to your needs or did they ignore you?  Did they listen to you and give you a chance to express yourself?  Do you feel sad when thinking about your relationship past?  Do you still feel disappointed or hurt from your first love relationship?  If so, you have not resolved these feelings.

If those around you weren’t who you needed or wanted them to be, you might’ve developed a pattern of being disappointed in people.  It doesn’t matter what relationship they had with you–family, friends, coaches or love crushes.  When a pattern of this type develops, disappointment could affect some or all of your relationships.

This energy loop can start with the early modeling that you saw and got used to seeing when growing up.  If you had supportive, warm and loving relationships that honored and attended to your needs as a child, you probably have a good view of relationships and feel safe within them.  If you saw a loving and supportive relationship between your parents and in your family, you probably have a great foundation for safety and comfort.

What happens though, when you didn’t see or get that support in relationships?  I’ve mentioned in many blogs that our earliest modeling comes from what we see, hear, and watch before the age of seven.  What we see in that age time frame starts an unconscious belief and pattern of what to expect in life.  We’re talking today about how those “lessons” got imbedded into our relationships.

If you saw or heard fighting, you probably formed a subconscious belief that relationships are painful, so watch out and stay out.  If you experienced or saw distance in relationships around you, you probably developed a lack of closeness, or safe connection in relationships.  If when you asked for but didn’t get help, you might feel as if you are always alone and on your own.  This is not about logic.  This is about energy and your subconscious belief formation.

Can these learned behaviors be undone or changed?  What do you do about them?  How do you “fix” what isn’t working?

I love the technique of tapping.  If you are having a problem in any relationship, consider what you learned as a child.  Did you see closeness or distance?  Was there love or pain?  Did needs get met or go unmet with frustration?  Did you witness or experience hurt, fear, or the more extreme-abuse?

Before your parents were parents, they were people first with their OWN modeling download.  We don’t pass down what we know and learn on purpose, yet it happens.

Tapping is a technique that starts to break apart those knee jerk reactions.  It interrupts the automatic responses.  It tells your energy and brain, NO, we don’t do it that way anymore.

That’s why it’s so important to not only get some guidance from a coach, but to also use tapping on your own.  The best time to tap is when you are in the middle of an emotional reaction.  Why?  Because you want to stop and interrupt the “pattern” before it becomes a full blown episode that creates more pain, fear, and disappointment.

Think of this like a cold.  When I feel the beginning stages of a cold, a sore throat, or anything funky that feels like a cold might start, I take some Echinacea, and Vitamin C.  I can’t remember the last time I had a cold because I attend to it before it becomes full blown.  In those moments, I am “honoring” what my body is saying and might need.

That’s what you are trying to do with tapping.  When you stop the pattern right when it starts, it’s as if you are saying to your mind and body, “I hear you.  No need to go into overdrive.”

We can unlearn what has become automatic so it no longer works against us.

Relationships are the foundation of connection, love, and belonging.  They are important to our well-being.  They can be a barometer to health and happiness.

So…how’re you feeling about your relationships?

One more comment.  There are stages of growth and learning and there are different degrees of improvement.  When you keep breaking apart the pattern with tapping, you WILL get results.  You just need to retrain your body and mind reactions.  When you do, different people, places and situations that match your new alignment will show up almost as if by magic!  You watch…

Here’s to your True Authentic Power!