Are you loved or being used?

Oh boy, this is a biggie for many givers and it’s a pattern that starts EARLY in childhood. A little child’s brain thinks, if I can just do enough, be enough, help enough, THEN they will love me or I will stay out of trouble. The problem is that when the pattern and belief carries over into adulthood, you can run yourself ragged trying to do and be for EVERYONE while pushing you and your life to the bottom of the list. The pattern that started as giving and trying to be loved, turns into overwhelm, resentment, and exhaustion….and then it really serves no one least of all–YOU.  So how do you turn this around?  You tap….on the fear that no one will love me if I don’t do all of this. You tap on the fears of being alone, or what if I really am unlovable, or what if I do things for me and they leave me, or all the reasons you feel that you can’t say no?  Being used is NOT the same as being loved, but it is protection from the fears that are lying underneath.

Think about this for a second. What if you could be the REAL you, and not the one that is a slave to your fears and their requests? Can you imagine how freeing that would be? Can you imagine taking the pressure off, and being truly loved for who you are and not what you can do for them?

If you are not a tapper YET or you haven’t cleared out a pattern like this, than you cannot understand what a relief and joy that transformation brings to your life to be the true you. The next time you volunteer, or say yes when you really want to say no, ask yourself this question.  What am I afraid will happen if I say no?  THAT response in your thought, is your tapping target.  If you are afraid to say no, you are being controlled by your fear and you are not coming from a place of love. “Users” can spot a fearful “giver” a mile away, and you become almost like prey. They play into your fear, and you response with yet, one more person to give and please, otherwise they will leave you and you will once again feel rejected.

How might this pattern show up in your life? You will feel like you are running all the time. You will put yourself and your life last. Their needs will seem much more important than yours. You will have unfulfilled dreams. You will probably have a combo of emotions like anger, resentment and feel exhausted a lot of the time. You will feel out of balance and reactionary. You will say yes when you want to say no.  You will find reasons to do for them before you ever think to do for you. You consider what they want from you FIRST before you ever think about what you need and want. You give much more than you get and then you feel neglected.  When it comes to your needs, there is little help or support or even an offer to help you. You hit wall after wall when pursuing your dreams.  It seems like life just sabotages you.  Does any of this sound familiar?  You don’t have to be plagued by all of these feelings to be used. So many people are in this rut of programming that started from when they were little and thinking and reacting to issues with a limited amount of solutions.  After all, patterns that start with a child’s limited resources and experience aren’t the best solutions for adult resolutions.  

Tapping changes that energy and the underlying beliefs and emotions. Being loved because you are magnificent with your own gifts and talents, brings such joy. If you have to “do” something for them to be loved or included, then I suggest to you to consider your belief system about love.  When you change the energy, it’s amazing what people, places and situations show up, all of the sudden, to help you and assist you…and really LOVE you.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful to be loved and to be included just being you….without DOING a thing?! Oh yes, it’s possible!